


Home for the Holidays

by Rae325



Category: Ratched (TV)
Genre: ALL THE FLUFF, Coming Out, Domestic Fluff, F/F, Family, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Mentions of Cancer, Romantic Fluff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-08
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-14 03:02:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,663
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29288778
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rae325/pseuds/Rae325
Summary: Gwen takes Mildred home for the holidays.
Relationships: Gwendolyn Briggs/Mildred Ratched
Comments: 64
Kudos: 143





	1. Chapter 1

Gwen still wonders sometimes if she is about to wake up from a dream. Gwen had so long resigned herself to a life with a fulfilling career, a lie of a marriage to her best friend, and weekend getaways where she could have one night stands with women. For a while it hadn’t seemed bad at all. What more could she possibly ask for, after all, in a world where women who were attracted to other women were confined to the shadows if they wished to keep their freedom? Gwen was so resigned to the idea of a life without real love that even now a year later this wonderful life with the woman beside her feels like an illusion.

Gwen and Mildred are sitting outside their home in Mexico. They had used the money Mildred secured from Lenore Osgood to buy a beautiful, secluded house with their own little patch of beach. It has become their afternoon routine on days when Gwen isn’t feeling too sick from chemotherapy, to take a swim and then lie out on the sand together, reading, talking, or simply enjoying each other’s company.

Today is a good day. Gwen is a week out from her last treatment and feeling well, and she and Mildred are lying side by side on their beach blanket sunning themselves after a swim. Mildred is sprawled out on her stomach, eyes closed, and Gwen takes a moment to admire the woman beside her, curves on full display in her bathing suit. Gwen fights back a wave of self-consciousness – her body is changed by chemotherapy – hair gone, muscles wasted. She tries not to let the insecurities creep in, tries to believe Mildred when she kisses every inch of Gwen’s body and whispers how beautiful and wonderful Gwen is. Gwen feels a wave of emotion looking at Mildred, this stunning gift that Gwen vows to treasure each day she has on earth.

“Are you staring at me?” Mildred asks, an eye squinting open and a grin forming on Mildred’s face.

“Just admiring, darling.” Gwen reaches out and caresses the bare skin of Mildred’s arm, flushed pink from the sun.

Mildred rolls on her side, propping herself up on her elbow and leaning over to kiss Gwen. What a gift this secluded little paradise has been to Gwen’s body and soul, a place to hold Mildred in the sunlight. The worries slip away from Gwen then and there is no denying how much Mildred wants and loves her as the younger woman’s hand squeezes Gwen’s backside gently as they kiss.

“I was thinking,” Mildred says when she pulls back. Gwen rolls fully on her back and lets Mildred drape herself across Gwen’s chest, chin propped up on Gwen as they talk. “Christmas will be here soon, and we need to start planning.”

Gwen smiles fondly at Mildred, palm cupping Mildred’s cheek. “Have you caught the Christmas spirit?”

Mildred sucks on her bottom lip. “I just want Christmas to be perfect for you.” Mildred looks very unsure. “I’ve never celebrated Christmas, so I don’t know exactly what to do.”

Gwen wraps her free arm around Mildred. “It will be perfect because I’m with you.”

Gwen presses her lips to Mildred’s again before the younger woman pulls back again with a pout on her face. “I don’t know if we’ll be able to find a proper Christmas tree here,” Mildred frets.

“We’ll make our own traditions together. All that matters to me is that I get to spend Christmas with the woman I love.”

“What about all your family traditions you told me about?” Mildred’s brow furrows with worry, and Gwen just wants to smooth the creases from her face with kisses. “You should have a tree with presents under it, and cocoa and cinnamon rolls in the morning. I found a recipe that looks good, but if you want to call your mom, we can try making hers instead.”

The mention of Gwen’s mother is like a stab to the heart. They are close, always have been, and this has been the longest Gwen has gone without seeing her mom. Her mother said she understood that Gwen can’t get home for the holidays - with finishing chemotherapy a week before Christmas and having surgery in the new year, of course it would be too difficult. But her mother had still sounded heartbroken at not spending the holidays together. Gwen’s emotions must show because Mildred cups her face, thumb stroking across her cheekbone. “Do you want to spend Christmas with your family in Connecticut?” Mildred asks, “I’ll be fine on my own. I’ve never had a Christmas before, so I wouldn’t even know to miss it.”

Gwen’s chest aches at Mildred’s words, the familiar ache whenever Gwen is reminded of Mildred’s past. It makes Gwen more determined that each moment of Mildred’s life going forward be filled with certainty that she is loved and cherished. Gwen wraps both arms around Mildred and pulls her close so that Mildred is laying fully on Gwen’s chest. “Not a chance, darling. Do you think I would miss our first Christmas together?”

Mildred sighs before pressing a kiss to Gwen’s skin. “I don’t want you to miss out on anything because of me.”

Gwen has been thinking about this for months now, wondering what would happen if she brought Mildred home. Gwen has dropped hints, talked about her “friend” Mildred who has been by her side the whole time she’s been having treatment in Mexico. “Come home with me?” Gwen asks.

Mildred looks up and meets Gwen’s eyes. They’ve talked about this a few times. Gwen has wondered aloud if she would lose any relationship with her mother if she told her about Mildred, but Gwen tries not to talk about it too much, feels selfish for it when Mildred doesn’t have any family besides Gwen.

Gwen is terrified of telling her mother, but Gwen feels brave looking into Mildred’s eyes. “I don’t want to hide you anymore. You’re the very best thing in my life Mildred Ratched.” Dark brown eyes fill with tears, and Gwen hates that it still seems to surprise Mildred how deeply Gwen feels for her. “I want you to come home with me for Christmas. Would you do that?”

“I will do anything you want darling. I just want you to be happy.”

“Mildred, I am already the happiest woman alive. This year has been the most incredible year of my life. Even if my family doesn’t understand, I have you.” Gwen’s heart aches at the thought of her mother and sister not loving her and being a part of her life. She doesn’t think it would come to that, but she doesn’t want to spend the rest of her life hiding Mildred from her family. The last thing Gwen ever wants Mildred to feel is that Gwen is ashamed and hiding her.

“You will always have me Gwendolyn.” Mildred presses a kiss to Gwen’s lips. “That is the easiest promise I will ever make.” Mildred sits up. “Now if we are going to be leaving for Connecticut in three weeks, we need to start planning.”


	2. Chapter 2

Margaret catches sight of her daughter walking down the airport hallway before Gwen notices Margaret. She can see the scarf under Gwen’s hat where normally her daughter’s hair would be. It shouldn’t be a surprise – it isn’t really – but it makes Margaret feel like she can hardly breathe all the same. It’s one thing for her daughter to tell her everything is going well with her treatment over phone and another to see the reality of what chemotherapy has done to Gwen’s body. Even under the layers of warm clothes Gwen is wearing, Margaret can see how thin her daughter has become. The heartbreak and the fear almost overtake Margaret, but then she hears Gwen laugh.

Margaret focuses, pulled back from her fears by the joyful sound. Gwen is laughing, a loud belly laugh, leaning in close to the woman next to her. This must be Mildred, the woman Margaret knew nothing about until Gwen mentioned that her friend would be accompanying her to Mexico for cancer treatment. Gwen is laughing and smiling at Mildred like she hung the moon. Margaret watches for a moment longer, watches how Mildred looks back at Gwen with absolute love in her eyes. There’s no other word for that expression – this woman is looking at her daughter with so much love. Their pinkies are touching, just the slightest touch of skin to skin as they smile at each other like love-sick fools.

Margaret had wondered for a long time if her daughter was a lesbian, but then Gwen married Trevor, and Margaret had assumed that Gwen was too focused on her career to get married earlier. But now Margaret can see so plainly that her daughter loves this woman, not as a devoted friend who has stayed with her through treatment for cancer, but as Margaret loved her dear husband Jonathan.

“Gwendolyn,” Margaret waves and walks towards her daughter before she catches Margaret staring. Margaret closes the small gap between them and pulls Gwen into her arms. “It is so good to see you. I’m so happy you could make it for Christmas.”

“So am I, Mom. I’m sorry it’s been so long. With chemotherapy, it’s been hard to find any time to leave Mexico.”

Margaret nods, a lump in her throat. She cannot lose her sweet girl.

Gwen pulls out of the hug, a hand reaching for her companion’s arm. “Mom, this is Mildred.”

The woman smiles a bit shyly as Margaret wraps her up in a hug. Mildred is stiff for an instant, and Margaret feels bad for startling her. But then Mildred seems to relax into the touch. “It is a pleasure to meet you, my dear,” Margaret says before releasing Mildred, hoping she hasn’t already made her feel uncomfortable.

“The pleasure is all mine, Mrs. Harris. Gwen has told me the most beautiful stories of her childhood.”

Margaret smiles warmly, can see that Mildred is nervous. “Please call me Margaret. Now what can I carry for you?”

Gwen rolls her eyes. “Mildred won’t let me carry anything.”

“You just had treatment this morning, Gwen. I just want you to get back to your mother’s house so you can rest.”

Margaret can hardly keep the amused grin off her face at what she imagines is an old argument. She has a suspicion she is going to like Mildred. Margaret takes Gwen’s bag from Mildred and begins walking back in the direction of her car.

“I have the house stocked Gwen. Mint tea, saltines, graham crackers, soup. We’ll get you home and settled in so you can get some rest.”

“I’m fine Mom. I probably have a couple more hours before I start throwing up everything you try to feed me.”

Margaret knows Gwen hasn’t told her how bad the side effects are – always insisting that she’s fine when they speak.

“Thank you for picking us up this late.” Mildred says. Margaret had hardly minded - this had been the only way for them to travel before Gwen was feeling far too sick to get on a plane for the next several days.

“Thank you for making the journey. Gwen told me you grew up in California. Does that mean you never had a white Christmas?”

Margaret watches as Gwen soothes her hand up and down Mildred’s arm. “I’m sorry,” Margaret ventures, unsure of exactly what she’s said wrong. “I didn’t mean –“

Mildred cuts her off, seems eager to change the subject. “I’ve never experienced snow at all.”

“There is supposed to be a storm this weekend, so I don’t think you will have to wait long. Don’t worry – I have extra winter clothes at home. We will get you all wrapped up and warm to enjoy the snow. Oh, I am just so happy you both are here.”

Gwen has hardly said a word on the walk back to the car, and Margaret doesn’t know if she’s feeling sick or if she’s afraid of what will happen if she tells Margaret the truth. Mildred gets in the backseat and Gwen sits down in the passenger seat, not making eye contact with Margaret. “Honestly Gwendolyn, I have never heard you be so quiet in my entire life.” Gwen chuckles at that, and Margaret tries to offer her daughter her warmest smile. “I think there’s something we need to talk about. Go ahead and tell me what you need to tell me.” Gwen looks terrified, so Margaret takes her daughter’s hand in her own. “I am going to tell you that you are my daughter, that I love you, and that all I want is your happiness. Now tell me what you want to tell me.”

Relief washes over Gwen’s face and her eyes well up. “Mildred and I are in love,” Gwen says, turning to look back at Mildred who smiles reassuringly at her. Margaret watches Gwen’s smile bloom as she turns back to Margaret. “I have never been happier than I have been in the year Mildred and I have been together.”

“Come here,” Margaret wraps Gwen in her arms. “That is all that matters to me darling girl. I am so grateful that you have someone in your life who makes you as happy as you have sounded since you met Mildred.” Gwen’s arms cling tightly to Margaret, and she is so reminded of when her daughter was small. Margaret’s heart aches as she hears Gwen’s soft cries. “I’m happy that you’re happy sweetheart. And I am so happy that you are here and that you brought Mildred home with you.”

* * *

“I’m so happy for you,” Mildred says as she helps Gwen out of the car. Gwen feels warmth bloom in her chest as she steps into Mildred’s arms.

“I love you,” Gwen says, holding Mildred loosely so she can look at her. Gwen is so in love with Mildred it still takes her breath away, and their beautiful life together is everything Gwen has longed for her entire life. Being with Mildred has been so perfect – even with chemotherapy, even with all the fears and insecurities that Mildred is still learning to share with Gwen, this year has been filled with such incredible joy. And now her mother’s easy acceptance, when everyone Gwen knows who told their families had been disowned, this is all so much more than Gwen thought she could have for her life. Tears fill her eyes and Gwen needs to be held. She pulls Mildred close and leans into the crook of Mildred’s neck. “I was so scared.”

Mildred squeezes Gwen tightly to her chest, hands rubbing Gwen’s back in circles that soothe and make Gwen feel safe and loved. Mildred’s lips press a soft kiss to Gwen’s temple as Gwen burrows further into Mildred’s neck.

“Come darling,” Mildred whispers after a moment, “Let’s get you out of the cold.”

Gwen takes Mildred’s hand and leads her towards Gwen’s childhood home. “If anything is too much, you just tell me. My mom can be a lot, and I want you to be comfortable.”

“Your mom seems lovely. Don’t worry about me.”

“You know I’m never going to stop worrying about you,” Gwen tells Mildred, heart filling with warmth at Mildred’s soft smile and quiet _I know._ Mildred has come so far in trusting in Gwen’s love, and Gwen is so grateful for this beautiful gift she has been given.

Gwen leads Mildred inside by the hand. It’s perfectly decorated for Christmas like always, familiar and comfortable. But Gwen worries still how Mildred will feel being here, knows she grew up without ever having a happy Christmas memory.

“You have a beautiful home Mrs. Harris.” Mildred says, as she takes in the lights and tree in the living room.

“Please call me Margaret. You have made my Gwen so very happy, dear girl, so I hope you won’t mind if I consider you to be a daughter.”

Gwen presses her palm to the small of Mildred’s back, wants to convey somehow to Mildred that she is safe even if the warmth Gwen’s mother offers instantly is so much more than Mildred has ever experienced from a mother. Mildred reaches back and squeezes Gwen’s hand as she tells Gwen’s mother, “I would be honored.”

“You both must be exhausted from traveling. Go sit down on the sofa and I’ll make you like something to eat.”

It isn’t until Gwen sits down that she does realize how terribly exhausted she is becoming, her body chilled and aching, her stomach starting to feel uneasy. She leans heavily against Mildred’s side.

“How are you feeling?” Mildred asks quietly, voice laced with the familiar worry, arm wrapped around Gwen’s shoulder.

“The nausea is setting in.” Gwen says. “Last round and then we’ll be done.” _We._ Gwen had hardly believed what she was hearing a year ago when Mildred told her they would fight this illness together. But Mildred has been by Gwen’s side through every bad day, rubbing her back, coaxing her to eat, holding her through tears when the fear overwhelmed her.

“Last round, my love.” Mildred kisses Gwen’s forehead.

Margaret smiles at them as she walks back in with tea and saltine crackers to try to ease Gwen’s nausea. Mildred blushes under Gwen’s mother’s gaze and tries to move away but Gwen clings tighter. Her mother is happy for her, and so Gwen is not going to hide this. She is going to be herself in this house for the first time in her life.

“Mildred, dear, what can I get you to eat?”

“Crackers are fine. Thank you.”

“Would you like some cheese and nice crackers? Something with more flavor than the saltines for settling Gwen’s stomach.” 

“I’m fine, really.” Mildred protests.

“Nonsense, I’ll be right back.”

“Don’t argue, darling.” Gwen says. “My mother is even more stubborn than I am.” Gwen waits until her mother leaves the room. “If you need a break or there is anything that reminds you of the past or makes you uncomfortable, just tell me Mildred. You don’t need to do anything you don’t want to do.”

Mildred nods. Once they were together, Gwen had reflected on pushing Mildred to go to the puppet show, on how Gwen had clearly made Mildred feel like she needed to say yes to please her. Gwen has tried to earn Mildred’s trust and make Mildred feel completely comfortable asserting her own needs. When it’s just the two of them, Gwen trusts that Mildred will ask for what she needs, but Gwen worries that Mildred will try to please Gwen’s mother at her own expense.

“I’m going to go see if your mom needs any help. I’ll be right back.” Mildred runs her fingers along Gwen’ jaw lovingly. Gwen groans when Mildred moves, but relents with a smile.

* * *

“Can I help you with anything Mrs. Harris?”

“Please, call me Margaret.” Mildred’s heart is racing; she so desperately wants Gwen’s mother to like her. But Margaret smiles at her, so kindly, and so like Gwen, that it puts Mildred just the slightest bit more at ease. “You don’t need to be afraid of me, you know? I meant what I said, I can already see how much you love my daughter.” Mildred feels her face flush. “Gwen has talked about you every time she called this year. She must have been afraid to tell me that you two were in love, but I did have my suspicions. Most people who are going through treatment for cancer do not sound as happy as Gwen does. I have never heard her sound as happy as she has since you came into her life.”

A lump forms in Mildred’s throat, tears blur her vision. She knows, of course she knows that Gwen loves her, but to hear that it was so apparent to someone that Gwen was trying to hide their relationship from. Mildred supposes that they do both overflow with love. “I love Gwendolyn more than I even knew it was possible to love another person. I would do anything for your daughter.”

“The way she tells it, you already do. You’ve been there with her through her treatment. I know it hasn’t been easy, even if she tries to spare me the details. She told me you found all the doctors and that she was ready to give up until you convinced her she needed to fight.”

Unbidden the tears spill over as the thought of Gwen dying overwhelms Mildred for a moment. Gwen’s mother sees it, and Mildred bows her head, tries to pull herself together. She cannot fall apart here. “Oh my dear, you must be so scared.” Mildred wipes the tear tracks away, looks up nervously and nods. Mildred is overwhelmed by the warmth and care she can see in Margaret’s eyes. When the older woman opens her arms and slowly moves towards Mildred to hug her it feels safe and comforting. Mildred finds herself crying in Margaret’s arms, and this is not the impression she ever meant to make.

“I know you’ve only just met me,” Margaret says, when she pulls back and looks at Mildred, with equally wet eyes, “and I don’t know if this is something you can talk to your own family about-”

“Gwen is my only family.” Mildred’s cheeks burn with the admission, because of course Gwen is family, but it sounds so presumptuous to say to Gwen’s mother. By way of explanation she offers, “I grew up an orphan, and well, Gwen is all I have.”

Margaret takes her hand. “You have me now, and you are going to meet Gwen’s sister Kathy, and she is going to adore you, I just know it.”

“I’ve heard so much about both of you.” Mildred turns around as she hears Gwen walk in. “You are supposed to be resting,” Mildred chides.

“You two were taking an awfully long time in here. I was starting to worry you might be talking about me,” Gwen says, coming besides Mildred and wrapping an arm around her waist. Gwen immediately notices the tear tracks and redness of Mildred eyes, her brow furrows, and Mildred smiles reassuringly at her.

“Only good things,” Margaret reassures. “It seems we both love you very much.” She looks over the pair of them. “It must be so tiring to have to hide when you’re with other people. I hope you know you don’t have to hide with me. I want this house to be a place where you can be yourselves.”

“Thanks Mom. I suppose I should have told you years ago, but I was afraid.”

“Your father and I wondered, but we wanted to respect your privacy. That was our mistake. And just so you know, he would have felt the same way I do. Mildred makes you happy – that’s all that matters.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this chapter got a little angsty. More fluff next time - I promise!

Mildred wakes to Gwen running from the bed. A moment later she hears the familiar sound of Gwen retching. Mildred wraps her robe around herself and follows her partner down the short hallway to the bathroom. She kneels next to Gwen, palm against her back, rubbing circles as Gwen leans over the toilet again. When Gwen is done, she leans over to flush the toilet before falling into Mildred’s arms and tucking herself against Mildred’s chest. Mildred presses a kiss to Gwen’s head and asks, “You’re shaking darling. Do you want me to get your robe?”

Gwen clings tightly to Mildred’s waist. “No please stay.”

“I’m here,” Mildred soothes, wrapping her arms around Gwen more tightly to try to keep her warm. She kisses Gwen’s head again as Gwen nuzzles back into her chest. “I’m right here Gwen.” They sit in silence for a moment, Mildred presses kisses to Gwen’s head. “Last round of chemotherapy my love. You’ve been so strong.”

“They’re going to cut off half my breast when we get back.” Gwen hasn’t talked about her fears of the surgery much. But feeling this sick tends to bring down Gwen’s barriers and make her fears spill out. It hurts Mildred terribly to see Gwen hurting, but Mildred will always be grateful for the precious gift of Gwen trusting Mildred to see her like this.

“You will still be the most beautiful woman I have ever laid eyes on.” Gwen shakes her head, sobs coming then, but Mildred presses on. “I am the luckiest woman alive. You are beautiful inside and out, and I will always want you.” Gwen is shaking her head, and Mildred hadn’t realized until this moment that Gwen feared this would change how Mildred looks at her. It makes sense, of course, but it had never even crossed Mildred’s mind that she would find Gwen any less beautiful, even if the doctor had told her she needed a total mastectomy.

Gwen’s whole body is trembling against Mildred now. “Are you cold?” Mildred asks, and Gwen clings tighter in response, seemingly afraid Mildred will move to get Gwen’s robe. “I am not going anywhere Gwendolyn, do you hear me? I love you, and we are going to cure you and then we will spend the rest of our lives living happily ever after.” Gwen chuckles a bit, a wet sound. Gwen is sniffling, Mildred’s neck is wet with snot and tears, but that doesn’t matter, all that matters is what Gwen needs and she need Mildred. Mildred’s heart feels so full with this trust and intimacy. “I’m glad I can make you laugh.” Mildred kisses Gwen’s head, tells her seriously, “You’ve turned me into a believer in fairy tales.” 

“A fairy tale doesn’t hold a candle to being with you,” Gwen says between sniffles, and Mildred can feel Gwen’s smile against her neck.

“You’re such a romantic.” Mildred presses another kiss to Gwen’s head. “I wish I could take all the pain from you Gwen. If I could trade places with you and make you well I would do it in an instant.” It hurts more than Mildred can bare to see Gwen in pain like this.

“Don’t say that.”

“Then you listen to me when I tell you that we will get through this together. I am not going anywhere. I love you and you will always be the most beautiful, brave, kind person I have ever known.”

Gwen’s sobs return then even stronger than before shaking Mildred’s body. Mildred holds Gwen tightly against her, and Gwen shifts so that she’s half sitting in Mildred’s lap. Mildred has rarely seen Gwen this upset, and Mildred wishes with everything in her that she could take this pain away from Gwen. Mildred’s chest aches. “I love you,” she tells Gwen over and over, murmuring the words against Gwen’s skin between soft kisses. There’s nothing else Mildred can do, but she can do this, she can stay here and love Gwen.

It’s unsurprising that the noise has woken poor Margaret. She looks stricken seeing her child so upset, and for a moment Mildred feels like an intruder, but she can see clearly that Margaret feels the same way seeing Gwen and Mildred together.

“Can I get you anything?” Margaret asks.

Gwen burrows deeper into Mildred’s chest, hiding her face completely.

“Could you bring a blanket or a robe for Gwen?” She’s still trembling against Mildred, but whether from cold or emotion or both, Mildred isn’t certain. “Thank you.”

Margaret returns a moment later, maneuvering a thick blanket around both Mildred and Gwendolyn. “I’m going to put the kettle on,” Margaret says, leaving them along again.

Mildred thanks Margaret before turning her attention back to the woman in her arms. “I’m here. I love you so much.”

“I love you,” Gwen whispers into Mildred’s neck, her voice wet, but the sobs have quieted. “I just need a minute.”

“I am not going anywhere. We can sit here as long as you want.” Gwen doesn’t say anything, and Mildred rubs her back softly. _Last round_ , Mildred reminds herself. Gwen will have surgery when they get home and then six weeks of radiation, and then if all goes well they will be done and this will all be behind them. Some moments they can live like there is nothing in the world but them and their love. But sometimes the fear consumes Gwen, and it’s always worst in these moments when she feels so sick. And as much as Mildred is terrified of losing Gwen, she swallows it down and reassures Gwen that they are so close to Gwen being cured. When Spring comes, Gwen will be done with treatment.

Gwen takes a deep breath, presses a kiss to Mildred’s neck and stands. Mildred’s legs tingle, slightly numb from Gwen sitting on top of her. “I’m sorry,” Gwen says sheepishly as Mildred rolls her ankle trying to get circulation back. Gwen holds out her hand and Mildred takes it, standing up and cupping Gwen’s cheek, thumb wiping away the tears. Gwen presses her hand over Mildred’s. “Thank you, darling.”

Mildred shakes her head. She hands Gwen her toothbrush and moves behind Gwen, arms wrapped around her waist as the older woman brushes her teeth. Mildred looks Gwen up and down in the mirror. “You are the most beautiful woman I have ever laid eyes on. Surgery will not change that.”

Gwen rinses her mouth out and meets Mildred’s eyes in the mirror. “I’m sorry for wallowing in self-pity tonight. I am so lucky, and here I am feeling sorry for myself.”

“Don’t do that.” Mildred nudges Gwen to turn in her arms. “You’re allowed to be sad and angry that you have cancer. I just hate when you doubt how beautiful you are.” Mildred leans close to Gwen’s ear. “If we were home and you weren’t feeling sick, I would have you right now. I always want you.” Mildred nips Gwen’s earlobe lightly, and Gwen laughs before capturing Mildred’s lips in a kiss. “Are you still feeling nauseous or do you want to leave the bathroom?”

“I think I’m ok for now. I should take my mom up on that cup of tea. I’m sure I scared her with that little breakdown.”

“Do you want me to come with you, or do you want to talk with her alone?”

Gwen raises an eyebrow. “What do you think? I always want you with me.”

“Good, because the feeling is mutual.” Mildred is grateful that Gwen has stopped trying to get Mildred to go back to bed on these nights when Gwen is feeling sick. Gwen used to push Mildred to sleep, but eventually she gave up on that futile attempt and learned that Mildred only wants to be near Gwen if she’s in pain.

* * *

When Gwen and Mildred enter the living room, they find that Margaret has Christmas carols playing. She’s sipping on tea and staring out the window the cloudless sky.

“I’m sorry for waking you,” Gwen offers.

“Oh, hush darling. Mint tea?”

“Please,” Gwen answers.

“Mildred, what kind of tea would you like?” Margaret asks, “I have mint, chamomile, or black.”

“Chamomile would be lovely. Can I help?”

“You both sit down. I left extra blankets on the sofa for you. I’ll bring your tea to you. Mildred, do you take milk or sugar?”

“No, thank you.”

Mildred sits down, opens her arms for Gwen to lean against her. “Are you warm enough?” Mildred asks, pulls the blanket around them.

“Perfect.”

Margaret brings them tea and sits in the armchair next to Mildred. The house is warm, the Christmas tree lights are bright as music plays, and the moonlight streams in through the winows. The only home Mildred had been in with a Christmas tree had been the last one, and by the time Christmas came that home had turned into a hell, and Mildred and Edmond were already planning their escape. Mildred quickly shakes the thought from her mind, fingers rubbing back and forth on the skin of Gwen’s hand to ground herself.

“Is there anything else you need?” Margaret asks, and Gwen shakes her head as she sips her tea. “Do you always feel this poorly after chemotherapy?”

“The first two days are bad,” Gwen says. “It’ll be better by Wednesday, and by Christmas Eve I should be good as new, I promise.”

Margaret turns to Mildred, her expression so since it’s disarming. “I am so grateful to you, Mildred, for being with Gwen through this.”

“There’s nowhere else I would be.” Mildred gives Gwen a sappy smile.

“Gwen told me you met shortly before she became ill. Is that right?”

Mildred nods. “We knew each other a few months, but it was complicated.” Mildred swallows. “It took me some time to accept my feelings.”

“Do you mind me asking how you met?” Margaret smiles warmly and Mildred feels some of the nerves settle.

“Gwen was with the governor at the hospital where I was working. She asked me on a date, and I was very dense and didn’t realize what was happening between us. I got there eventually, and Gwen has been the very greatest gift in my life.”

“The feeling is very mutual,” Gwen says, looking at Mildred with an expression that lets Mildred know that somehow, despite everything she had come to expect in life, that Gwen loves her with the same all consuming love Mildred feels. Gwen sets her tea down and curls back up against Mildred. “I’m ok Mom. Don’t let me keep you awake.”

“I think I’ll sit here and listen to Bing Crosby with you a little longer if you ladies wouldn’t mind.”

Gwen closes her eyes and says, “That would be perfect.” Mildred agrees, for all the pain they still need to survive before Gwen is free of this illness, this moment feels perfect.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a bit of extra fluffy fluff to make up for last chapter. More to come soon.

Gwen wakes with the winter sun shining in her eyes through the window of her childhood bedroom. Gwen’s head is resting on Mildred’s breast, and as Gwen shifts enough to let Mildred know she’s awake, Mildred’s fingers start caressing the nape of Gwen’s neck. Gwen looks up to see Mildred looking at her with a warm smile. “Good morning,” Mildred whispers, her voice thick with the remnants of sleep.

The expression of love on Mildred’s face still overwhelms Gwen sometimes, and it fills her with wonder that she gets to wake up to this love every day. Mildred’s fingers continue to caress Gwen’s scalp as her other hand sneaks under the flannel of Gwen’s pajama top and settles on the small of her back, sending delightful tingles up her spine. “How did I ever get so lucky?” Gwen muses out loud, leaning up and pressing a kiss to Mildred’s lips. “Do you know how much I love you?” Gwen asks, mouths still pressed together.

Mildred smiles wide, a breathy laugh escaping her mouth. “I had my suspicions,” she jokes easily. Mildred’s acceptance of Gwen’s love, her complete faith in it, that has been hard won. Gwen’s chest aches with love at the knowledge that Mildred, who had initially been so terrified that she wasn’t enough for Gwen, has so much confidence in Gwen’s feelings for her. Mildred’s fingers keep caressing Gwen’s back and neck, making Gwen moan. She rests her head back on Mildred’s chest and closes her eyes contentedly. Mildred presses a kiss to the crown of Gwen’s head before asking “How are you feeling darling?”

“Exhausted, but this is the very best way to wake up. What time is it?”

“Nearly nine. But you should sleep more if you can. Last night was a bad night.”

“I’m sorry for what a mess I was,” Gwen replies with a kiss to Mildred’s chest.

“Don’t you dare apologize.”

Gwen smiles, “Yes ma’am.”

“If you want to talk, we can. We haven’t talked much about the surgery, and I know you’re scared.”

“I’m ok now. I felt awful last night, and I couldn’t stop my brain from spiraling. I feel better after sleeping, and I just want to put it out of my mind for now.”

“Ok love,” Mildred says, her palm cupping the back of Gwen’s head. “Just remember I am here when you want to talk.”

“I know. Of course, I know.” Gwen breathes Mildred in for a moment before she opens her eyes and looks at the woman she loves. “I am so grateful for you Mildred. This year has been incredible, and now we’re here, in my childhood bedroom together.” Gwen shakes her head, can hardly believe this is real.

“Your mom is wonderful. Thank you for sharing your family with me.”

“I am going to share my whole life with you. What is the purpose of all this treatment if at the end of it we don’t get our fairy tale ending? Isn’t that what you promised me?”

“It is.” Mildred repositions her arms so that they both are wrapped around Gwen’s waist, squeezing her tightly against Mildred’s chest. Her hold is strong, and Gwen feels so safe in these arms. “Do you want to sleep more?”

“No. I’ll probably need a nap later, but I hear my mom and Kathy making noise it the kitchen. It seems rude to sleep the whole day.”

“I’m sure they would understand.”

“I know, but Kathy might get so excited she breaks the door down soon.” Gwen adores her sister and has missed her terribly. Kathy has Down syndrome, and their extended family and neighbors had never understood why their parents didn’t put her in an institution as a child. But Gwen’s parents had accepted Kathy with the same ease that her mother has accepted Gwen’s sexuality. Gwen knows how rare it is that she has been gifted with this family. “She is going to adore you.”

“I’m excited to meet her.”

“Would you mind terribly if I take a shower first?” Gwen asks. “I feel disgusting after last night. I feel like I’m caked in sweat.”

“Go ahead. I would join you, but I don’t want to scandalize your mom when I’m still trying to win her over.”

“You most definitely already won her over, but I suppose we should save our joint showers for when we get back home.” Gwen nuzzles into Mildred’s chest, pressing a kiss to the top of her breast. “Five more minutes, then I will move.”

Mildred’s hands run up and down Gwen’s arms and back as she whispers in a husky voice, “I am in no rush to let you out of my arms. I think you know that I would happily spend my whole life in bed with you.” Gwen’s heart warms at that. Mildred had been shy about sex and pleasure when they first got together, but now her darling Mildred will unabashedly wake Gwen up with her mouth between Gwen’s thighs. Mildred is so free with Gwen now, and she will never stop being grateful for that trust.

“Don’t tempt me, darling,” Gwen says, as she feels Mildred’s hand reach under her shirt again, soft touches up and down her back. Even here, in Gwen’s childhood home, and even with how worn out and sick she still feels, it sends the most lovely shivers through Gwen’s body. She will never stop loving this woman, never stop wanting her.

“I left some special Christmas gifts at home for us to enjoy alone when we get back,” Mildred says, “I promise to make up for lost time.” Gwen really is the luckiest woman, she thinks, as she presses another kiss to the swell of Mildred’s breast.

* * *

Mildred walks out to the kitchen to find Margaret and Kathy sitting at the kitchen table, baking ingredients spread out before them. Mildred’s stomach twists with nerves. She wants to be a part of this family so much, wants to make a good impression, but she doesn’t know anything about baking or Christmas or how to be a part of a normal family. “Good morning.”

Margaret smiles and offers a warm, “Good morning.” Kathy stands and runs to Mildred, arms wrapping around her in a hug. “Kathy,” Margaret chides from her seat at the table, “remember what we talked about?”

“I’m sorry,” Kathy says stepping back and then asking, “Is it ok to give you a hug?”

Margaret must have noticed Mildred’s unease with being touched and tried to prepare Kathy for that. Mildred feels embarrassed at the idea that Gwen’s mom knows this about her, and once more Mildred wishes she could just be normal, just accept affection from people without ever startling or feeling uncomfortable. She swallows down the doubts and discomfort, looking at Kathy’s eager smile. “I would love a hug.” Kathy’s arms are back around her, and Mildred tells her “It is so nice to meet you. Gwen told me so many stories of when you two were children.”

Kathy pulls out of the hug and takes Mildred’s hand leading her to the table. “We’re making Christmas cookies. We make the dough now so that we can have everything ready to bake on Christmas eve. You can help.”

“I would love to,” Mildred says, sitting down next to Kathy. “I don’t think I will be very good though. I’ve never made cookies before. Could you teach me?”

Kathy’s face lights up at that, and Mildred feels the knot in her stomach start to ease. Kathy is kind, just like her mother and her sister, and Mildred tries to trust this kindness without doubting. “Mom told me that you’re basically Gwenny’s wife. Is that right?” It catches Mildred completely off guard. She hadn’t known exactly what Margaret would want to tell Kathy, whether she would explain that Mildred and Gwen were together or whether she would simply say they were friends. Mildred must be staring open mouthed and surprised because Kathy goes on. “Mom says it has to be a secret because other people would be very mean to you and Gwen for being different. But Gwen always yelled at the bullies at school when they made fun of me for being different, and I can do the same if anyone is mean to you or Gwen, I promise.”

Mildred’s eyes fill with tears, her throat burns, and she knows if she tries to talk that she is going to start crying. She spent her whole childhood walking into different homes and never once being accepted as family. But Gwen’s family is sitting here with Mildred, accepting her without question or reservation. A few tears escape, and Mildred wipes them away quickly.

“Did I make you sad?” Kathy asks, looking worried.

“No, not at all. I’m just very happy to meet you and your mom. You have both been very kind to me.”

“We’re going to be like sisters,” Kathy declares, and Mildred swears she is going to start sobbing. She never expected this when she and Gwen talked about visiting Gwen’s family.

“I would like that very much,” Mildred says around the lump in her throat.

Margaret smiles so kindly at Mildred, face soft and full of caring, seeming to understand how much this is for Mildred. “Would you like a cup of coffee. You can’t have gotten much sleep.”

“I would love a cup, thank you.”

Margaret pours Mildred’s coffee and sets the cup in front of her, pushing the cream and sugar towards her. Mildred takes the warm mug in her hands, grasping it tightly, trying to stop the way that her hands have begun to shake. “Gwen’s feeling much better,” Mildred tells Margaret, knows how worried she must be about her daughter. “The first night after she has chemotherapy is always difficult, and today she’ll still be feeling sick and very tired. But it gets better after a couple days.”

“I cannot thank you enough for taking care of Gwen through this ordeal. I took care of my husband Jonathan when he became ill, and it is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.” Mildred reaches out and takes Margaret’s hand. 

* * *

They’ve made three different types of dough by the time Mildred hears the shower turn off and Gwen’s footsteps going back to the bedroom. “I’m going to check on Gwen,” Mildred says, worried that Gwen has taken so long because she was feeling sick. Mildred excuses herself from the table and walks to the bedroom. Gwen is sitting on the bed with her robe wrapped around her and taking deep breaths. “Are you nauseous?” Mildred asks, sitting down next to Gwen, who nods and keeps taking deliberate breaths.

Mildred rubs Gwen’s back for a few moments as Gwen waits for the wave of nausea to pass before speaking. “I’m sorry for leaving you alone with my mom and sister for so long.” Mildred shakes her head. She can’t stop the tears that fall as she thinks about the warmth Margaret and Kathy had shown her. Gwen shifts so she can wipe the tears away and cradle Mildred’s face as she asks, “What’s wrong?”

Mildred shakes her head, feeling a bit silly for crying when she’s so happy. “Your mom explained our relationship to Kathy. She keeps calling me her sister and threatening to hit anyone who is mean to us.”

Gwen laughs at that, a big smile on her face. “I really am the luckiest woman in the world ,” she says, and Mildred can see the tears in Gwen’s eyes as well. “I was so scared I would lose my family when I told them.”

“Your family is so kind.” Mildred truly doesn’t know how people can be so kind without expecting anything in return, but the kindness Gwen has shown Mildred, and now the kindness her sister and mother have shown – a year ago Mildred wouldn’t have believed people like this existed.

“ _Our_ family,” Gwen says, her arm wrapping around Mildred’s waist. “You are my family Mildred, and nothing could ever change that.” Mildred lets her head fall to Gwen’s shoulder as that sinks in. This is her family.


End file.
